Saturday, December 17, 2016

Loved and lost. - Vol. I

For the people that have been in my past, is in my present or going to be in my future-

Dear Yous,

Thank you for believing in me. Yous know that I can't do it, yous have heard others say how bad I am at it. But yous believed in me and because of that I proved them wrong, I made yous proud. I made myself proud for pushing through. I tried my best even though we didn't make it through. However, I'm glad that I get to know yous better, because then I know that I always have a true friends in yous. 

Dear T, 

You've been really helpful and kind. It's always nice talking to you, everything just flows. You know damn well how to carry a conversations. That's what intrigued me about you. That's what makes me curious and all I want is just to have an endless conversations with you. We have a lot of things in common, or we have similar taste - I'm not quiet sure which one all I know is that we can talk all day. and not running out of topic. I appreciate what you do and that you respect my likings. I miss our conversations, I miss waiting for your text in the afternoon, I miss you calling my name. Wished we could do it all again. I've always dreamed of just seeing you but the thought of meeting you makes me afraid. I don't know what will happen, will we still have our quality conversations, are you the way I imagine you to be, am I the person you think I am? Will we like each other like we like our conversations? Or worse, are you just a nice person? You've been through some stuff lately I believe, but I also believe that God has plans for you, I believe that you know what you have to do. For where you are right now in your life, I wish you nothing but success. I want to see great things happening to you, I wanna go back here in 10 years and see how talented you are for the things that you've created. Of course, secretly wishing that I'm there for every step of the way. I know we may not be the one for each other, but I genuinely like the way we talk to each other. Oh, I almost forgot, the effort that you made, you know the one, it made the butterflies in my stomach dance. It feels so good to know what you did. 

Dear R&D,

You know too much about me, not everything, but enough for me to know that your suggestion is one I should listen to. You know what I've been through, you know what I deserve and what I made of ad vice versa. I know you love me, and you'd be there for me no matter what. Know that the feeling is mutual. Know that there is not one second that I doubted you. I love that we can literally share anything and everything to each other, our deepest feelings and desire. I'm so glad that we can be ourselves when we're around each other. We'll find our happiness. I know we will. And we'll make our dreams come true together. 

Dear S,

You're strong. You've been through so much. And now you're here. Keep going. I just want to let you know, you should start loving yourself, start trusting what God's wants for you. Sometimes, what you think will bring you happiness will only stress you out. I'm done seeing you miserable, I want to see you genuinely happy. You see what happened, you see that God has opened so many doors to help you survive, because you know what? GOD LOVES YOU. He cares. You're His strongest soldiers. Whatever decisions you made, I always believe it's for the best because I believe you know what you're doing. So just keep doing you, but this time, you should start wanting what God wants from you. 

Dear O,

Gosh. I don't know why I put you in here but I guess I should. Since you're the only person that gets me. The only person that understands my weirdness and my choices. The only person that I would genuinely trust even though  I actually have bad history with someone close to you, but I know deep in my heart I can trust you because, well, you're you. I'm so glad I talked to you that day. I'm so glad we're friends. 

Dear B, 

You taught me that what I want is not what I need. You taught me that I'm better than what I think I was. You taught me my worth. But at the same time you taught me that you're not the one I should give my everything to. I was ready for what ever it is you're ready for, but I guess I never know what it is that you're feeling. That's why I always keep it straight forward with you. That's why I never lie to you. That's why I always open up to you even if you didn't. But I guess I've had enough of your game and it was time for me to let you go. Let you go out of my mind and forget the slightest hope that you could change. Yes, I hoped you'd change. But you could never change someone who doesn't want to change. You could never hope someone to want what you want. I tried to build you, I tried to make you be a better person, I wanted to be there for you when you're going through the changes in life, but that's not what you want. You want to feel, see, experience things. Things I've left behind in my past. I'd rather feel, see, experience deeper meaningful things with you. We want different things you know. Thus, I would rather for you not to waste your time on me. I want you to find someone that would love and appreciate whatever it is that you do. You know I want more than just words. But we were never us, so there's nothing to end, nothing to talk about, nothing to fight for because you never say those words and I never liked you. I thought I do, you're everything I thought I want. If you are, then why all I ever was with you is mean, sarcastic and have negative thinking. Even though all you ever do is make me feel wanted, you also make me feel like I'm not as important as I thought I am to you. That's when I know, meeting you was a lesson for me, meeting you was a blessing in disguise. It's hurtful, but I'm glad I did because of all the things you taught me. Know that everything you did, special or not, is appreciated. I enjoyed the time we spent together because a lot of them were unforgettable. I hope that you find the love that you need.

Dear D,

Calling someone a 'Friend' doesn't come naturally to me. I used to use that word freely, I used to consider everyone is a 'Friend' but along the way I learned that it is not to be used freely. So, I like to keep my cirlce small, invest in those that truly makes me happy. I know in life we need each other, I know that I'm going to need you in the future, but that doesn't mean I would sacrifice my happiness for you. You're a nice person, I tried to be nice to you, I'm so glad that we're acquaintances, I'm glad that we know that we can rely on each other if we have to. But please, don't judge me for the things I want or don't want to do. I'm not a person that do things halfheartedly, I do everything with passion and care. If I want to do it, I already am doing it. I hope you still tell me like it is, you still let me know what you think of me, so I could learn. Learn how to better myself, and learn more about how you are as a person. No shade, I mean everything I say, I always do. I just wished you wouldn't see me from the same glasses you see others. We're all different, you know that from the first time we met.

Stay Stylish,

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