Sunday, June 04, 2017

June. —

We're six months into 2017, I'm taking it as a milestone to reflect on my new years' resolution:

"... So I'm going into the new year with goals to look out for me better. To put my mind, energy, time and effort into things and people that I believe in, and believes in me. ..."

To be honest, this past month I was lost, confused and detached. I got distant not only with my friends and family - which breaks my heart, but also with myself.

I thought that I learned my lesson last year, but somewhere somehow I lost my way. I got caught up in the spur of the moment and I was detached from what I supposed to be focusing on.

It took me a while to find the roots of the problem, to get deeper in my thoughts and to stay in touch with myself. My heart was heavy and I was feeling uneasy. I couldn't sleep - I was better during the day than at night, when I started overthinking. Some of you may think this is nothing - or that it is normal, but the impact that it has on me. How it eats me up every single day, how it took all my time away, how I spent every single night wondering, thinking and feeling. Something that is not even real. I know this feeling, I remember it oh so well from last year. I know the pattern.

Fortunately, for some reason I found myself longing for a change. I don't want the same thing to happen over and over again. Then I thought about what could be the solutions... First, I needed to start getting my shit together, so I made a list. I made a list of what really is that I want to feel, think and act. Then, I have to stay firm with it. I have to focus on it. Second, I need to realized how much my overthinking has took the best of me and to start taking control over my mind. Hence, I need to learn how to control my thoughts. And third, I need to remember that God is with me.

God, the universe or whatever higher ups that you believe in, have three answers: yes, not yet or I have something better. So, I let go and let God. I let Him handle all things above me, stay positive and trust in his timing. I knew I needed to make space for new energy, new blessings thus, I practice patience and letting go. Let go of expectations, things and people that weighs me down. From then, I was able to refocusing my energy, time and effort into things and people that I believe in and believes in me.

And then, I started being open. That's when God shows me how real the law of attraction is. Our thoughts vibrates and resonates, whatever we are feeling and thinking attracts a corresponding energy to ourselves. If our energy is negative, we will attract negative things and if we think positive with positive energy, we will attract positive things. Eventually, if we practice it fully and consistently, we have the power over our destiny.

By being open, God put people in my life that leads me to a healthier state of mind, He introduced me to people that care about how I'm feeling everyday. Self-less people that are willing to listen to me expressing my thoughts and emotions, just so I can let it out of my system. Knowing them made me realized that instead of running away from my feelings, I should confront my thoughts and what is it that I'm feeling exactly. Then I began asking myself the same question over and over again until I'm sure that it is what I want. Until I'm sure that it is what I want to feel. Until I'm sure I can do what I say I want to do. That's when I became more vulnerable - I look within myself. I know that there's nowhere I go can make me more peaceful, more free of interruptions - than my own soul.

I still have anxieties, I'm still in the process of healing (again) and, I'm still (and will always be) learning. However, I can see the difference... my friends can see the difference. My body language is wayyyyy more relaxed and free. I can carry myself better, I'm more in tune with what's going on around me. I pay more attention to things that matters, and I will never take the people that genuinely want to see me get better for granted.

Speaking what's inside my mind, someone reminded me: "It is importance to be balance, to make peace with situations and learn from it will help us evolve, learn and ascend. To transition and be better moving forwards. Everything just flows after."

Sometimes, we don't need the closure. What we need is to let the pain and experiences build the stairs that will elevate us to where we're meant to be. Remember that your blessings has your name all over it, just be patient. God is working.

Thing is, I will always choose to love, even when people never really deserve it. At least I know that my energy and my love were never mediocre. It could be misunderstood but it never wrong. I commend my heart being strong, and for my love that will forever be real. Because when it comes to what we're feeling, no one has the right to say what's wrong or what's right.

These days, I'm able to control my mind better. I only have good intentions and my heart is pure. And I don't have space for negativity in my heart, I only have love for people that were, are and will be in my life. Through it all, God still blessing me. Nowadays, I sleep better, I keep my resolutions in check, to take care of myself better. Most importantly, to love myself better.

If you're going through a bad day, a bad phase in your life, if lately you feel uneasy, have a heavy heart and just filled with negativity. Know that you deserve more in life, know that things get harder before you level up and know that you've got to love yourself first to be able to love anything or anyone else. Most of all, know that you're not alone <3

Stay Stylish,

P.S: Thank you for being there for me - when I wasn't feeling like talking, even when I distant myself you always made sure that I know I can run to you anytime and even when I find it really hard to tell you what's going on you knew that I just need you to understand I'm going through. Thank you for letting me express my emotions and get through it the best I know how. You always keep it real with me and I deeply appreciate it. Thank you for giving me the space and not changing anything between us, especially for making me feel that I was never alone. It means the world. I'm grateful of you and I appreciate you.

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