Wednesday, September 06, 2017

JUNE in September

I thought I was lost, turns out it was just part of the road to get me to where I'm meant to be.

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Where there is ending, there is beginning. That was May for me. An ending of something sweet and a beginning of something I can't wait unravel... A journey of elevation.

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Remember I told you, that I was happy but it wasn't because of me... What I meant was, inner happiness is as important, if not more important than, external happiness. Nothing lasts forever and that just proves that your external happiness is not enough... okay let me rephrase, your external happiness should multiply your happiness so when the happiness is being subtracted from you, you still have the absolute happiness from within you.

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Have you ever stay up all night because your heart feels heavy, your thoughts are just clouding in the air suffocating you, and you can't distract yourself with anything because that is the only thing in your mind? Imagine this and having it constantly. Just imagine it, don't feel it. I don't wish that on my worst enemy.

June drained my energy, I was mentally and physically exhausted. But the therapy got me digging deep into my emotions which eventually made me minding my own business more than ever.  Focusing on me. The universe way of reminding me about my new year's resolution; to take care of myself better.

I was grateful to have became selfish, because I have always made decisions based on putting other people's happiness first. But June taught me to put myself first. My mind, my soul, my happiness. I am no longer allowing things that makes my heart feel heavy and I practice letting go.

Letting go of overthinking and expectations I learned to focus my energy on what's real, what's in front of me, what is being communicated - otherwise the conversations are only going on in my head. Then, I finally understood that what you experience in the exchange of somebody is supposed to be enough. If it's real then it's unconditional, there is no need for reciprocals.

And finally, I was able to sleep better.

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There is no place in my heart for negativity. No matter how bad someone treat me; if they were in my life, if we shared something intimate, if we shared our universe, if  we were comfortable enough to share what is going on in our life that we don't normally tell anyone, I would never have anything bad to say about them. I've learned through them. June taught me to use the pain to build the stairs to elevate myself to something great.

The truest form of maturity is when someone hurt you, you try to understand the situation instead of hurting them back.

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To be honest the only one I was disappointed at was... myself. I expected it to happen and it turns out to be true, I knew better.

I can't deny, I was doing what feels right according to my lower self, when I should be listening to my higher self. But again, you live and learn... June taught me that before anything I need to know exactly what I want and be stern with it in order for me to make better decisions.

In June I realized that prior to May God showed me something amazing and I feel like what happened is a way of Him telling me that I deserve more. I can only imagine what He's preparing me for.

God is working and in order for me to be ready for his blessings; I need to be patient, I need to be grateful no matter what and I need to put in the effort of self love.

When you love yourself, take time to learn who you are, and trust the power of the universe inside of you eventually, you will stop putting yourself in situation that don't serve you.

Learn more about your worth and stop giving discount on what you deserve. Your life is entirely up to you. You can either let it be a lesson and be better or simply don't care. Whatever it is, never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.

Knowing what I want really help me clearing out things I don't need, cutting out the unnecessary and build a real foundation.

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I wasn't completely myself, I wasn't communicating my feelings, I wasn't being vulnerable enough, I was happy, I was comfortable but it's not enough... My walls were still up. Ironic really, I was displaying numbness, carelessness - but deep inside I wasn't, I was only trying to keep myself from hurting. But I did. I was hurt. Who knew... even with lack of feelings and emotions, you could still get hurt.

June showed me how important being appreciated, respected and valued are to me. It taught me that if someone can't see my worth, my heart capacity and my genuine feelings, they don't worth my time.

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At the end of the month it was all about not letting my pride get in between me and my happiness. If I want to move on, I can't expect different outcome doing the same thing. I want to carry my heart lighter, let things flow organically with no expectations and see it comes in full circle, see it comes into fruition.

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All of this takes time, I spend more time meditating. Making peace with my pasts, flaws and insecurities. I spent time learning them and realized that I am a work in progress. I want to continuously evolve to become better than I was yesterday.



Stay Stylish,



And now, I'm excited about the person I'm becoming - learning from all these experiences and mistakes.

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